The CampChuck Reviewer

Dear Editor, [1984]

You often refer to “the Academy this …” and “Hollywood that …” in a slighting or sarcastic manner.  Do you feel this is necessary? 

Dear Carla, [1984]

When you publish one movie newsletter per year, it makes more sense to associate with the Academy Awards celebration than with Arbor Day festivities.  Hollywood has a commercial strain and the motion picture Academy has a political strain.  It’s merely a springboard both for well meted jibe and for my personal perspectives as a whole.          Ed.
    *****

Dear Editor, [1985]

I’ve heard the story of where the name Oscar came from a bunch of times, but I forgot.  Could you fill me in again?

Dear Gabriel, [1985]

Oscar Meyenik, catering to the delicatessen mentality of Hollywood, is remembered to have said, “I been feedin’ you guys since before you cou’ talk.  You tink I evuh hea’ so much as a tank you, Oscar?”  The rest is motion picture huckstery.          Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [1988]

Is it true that Dudley Moore is being wooed for the lead in “Unix, the Motion Picture.”

Dear Ina, [1988]

The executive producers who brought you “The In-grown Toenail that Ate San Jose” and “Silicon Valley Implants” feel Moore is a good artistic match for their kind of film projects, but as of press time none of the cast has been ported.           Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [1990]

You probably know people in the movie business personally. How does CampChuck handle writing about them?

Dear Adell, [1990]

It’s not as if I know anybody really famous like Dudley Moore, but I did share dinner recently with a Hollywood producer.  His film, “Blaze,” snuck only a Best Cinematography nomination, so for me to mention “Blaze” I must feel “Blaze” is truly a credit to Hollywood entertainment.  I must feel that Paul Newman in “Blaze” anchored a richly characterized vehicle.          Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [1990, special edition]

My son and I both like movies, but I have to tell you he says things like, “that old Dustin Hoffman flick, “The Graduate,” or “The Godfather, now that’s a classic.”  How old do you think a movie has to be before it’s “an old movie”?  An 18 year old movie can’t be “a classic,” can it?

Dear Gertrude, [1990, special edition]

Age is in the eye of the be older, and I’m afraid that you just be older than your son.  The sixties may be near and dear to our movie memories, but it is almost a long time ago.  Eighteen years, that’s a bit too soon to become a classic.

Let’s pigeonhole for now that the thirties and forties were heydays of the “old” movies.  The fifties rounded out an era, marking a transition decade that I’d say respectfully could be called old.  The sixties – my 1960s – naw, I wouldn’t call that old yet.          Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [1991]

How do you deal with people who talk during movies?

Dear Arthur, [1991]

Recently I said to an offender who ignored repeated looks of disapproval, “Don’t you think you’re better suited to watching television?”  He shut up and even apologized after the movie.  I confess that he might also have responded by talking louder or by punching me in the face or both.          Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [1994]

This anti-violence hysteria is spilling over to movies that I pay seven hard earned dollars to see.  I say don’t mess with the violent realism and escapism I look for in a free country. 

Dear Fahged, [1994]

You do just look for it on the screen, right?  The pipeline for movie (and all media) violence will remain full, notwithstanding the vandalism of good and bad intentions alike.                    Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [1994, special edition]

My husband and I always have such a difficult time selecting videos to rent.  He says he’s only looking for action and yuks.  I confess, I want romance or else a heart warming social message.  How do you suggest we work this out week to week?

Dear Gracie, [1994, special edition]

I’m guessing your husband will tune out every other week if you take turns.  Perhaps you should try a different tack like watching whatever he wants and using it to get your way on some entirely separate issue.                                Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [1999]

I love movies, but these days, the way they make them, what they put on the screen, well, I guess I don’t know.  I still love the movies, but give me something I can cling to, something I can depend on.

Dear Hester, [1999]

I think you can rest assured that no animals were harmed during the making of any movie you go to see.               Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [2000]

“The Insider” lays into tobacco companies pretty heavily, but just about every movie I see has at least one character smoking on screen.  I think the tobacco companies probably like what the film industry does for it.

Dear Sedge, [2000]

One might think that moviemakers have a ripe opportunity to ask every time whether a character really needs to be smoking.  Maybe there’s lots of peer pressure amongst directors about what to do with actors’ hands.  The trouble is that smoking scenes are addictive, maybe less addictive than shower scenes but more addictive than vomiting scenes.                                            Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [2001]

Why don’t they publish the vote count for the Oscars?

Dear Chad, [2001]

I like the idea. On the other hand, it might compete unnecessarily with the mystique of Oscar.                                           Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [2001]

Do you know any new things that show up in movies all the time, like chase scenes and shower scenes?  And like someone smoking in nearly every film … or vomiting … or screaming one of those “Home Alone” screams?

Dear Jersey, [2001]

Here’s a dependable if less glamorous bit of scene chewing.  Watch movie characters running down flights of stairs.  No matter how pressing the situation, they don’t fly two or more steps at a time but always one step at a time.           Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [2002]

My husband watches too much television.  The commercials every ten minutes on some of those cable channels last about five minutes.  My husband watches two movies at the same time.  Just for example, he changes back and forth between an intense war movie and a light romantic comedy.  Does this disease have a cure? 

Dear Marla, [2002]

What disease?                                  Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [2003]

This is a great Oscar year for “Z” names.

Dear Yal, [2003]

Actually, Renee Zellweger broke the ice last year by becoming the first actor ever nominated for Oscar with a name that starts with the letter “Z.”  But you are right – having both Catherine Zeta-Jones and Renee Zellweger nominated in the same year, from the same picture, well … Franco Zefferelli, Robert Zemeckis, and Frank Zinneman are probably pizzing in their pants.                        Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [2005]

Did you ever notice that when you come upon a dead body in movies, one or both of its legs are almost always bent in some unnatural direction?

Dear Morton, [2005]

This is the official violent death posture prescribed by the CoCD (Code of Cinematic Death) especially when falling is involved.                                        Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [2006]

Did you notice that there are 21 double letters in the big five people categories this year?  Director Bennett Miller, alone has 3 double letters in his name.  All five Best Supporting Actor nominees have double letters including double doubles for Jake Gyllenhaal and Matt Dillon.

Dear Hatty, [2006]

You are dangerously close to unearthing classified code.  Don’t lose faith.       Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [2006]

How come, on television, they can be so insulting as to scrunch the film credits alongside a rush to the next commercial?

Dear Inga, [2006]

Such crass commercialism won’t happen if you see the movies in a theater, although theaters already make us suffer commercials before the film, eh?      Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [2009]

It irks me in movies when a guy, who’s clearly way faster than the man or woman he’s chasing, takes a ridiculously dramatic amount of times to catch the person. 

Dear Chevy, [2009]

Yes, but at least they’re never too out of breath to engage in script-advancing dialog or fisticuffs.                               Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [2010]

I’m afraid to let my children use those
3-D movie glasses.  Should I worry about this?

Dear Cathryn, [2010]

The only known side effect of using 3-D glasses is that it causes more 3-D movies to be made.                            Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [2010]

These movies they make these days, you know what I mean, I like a lot of them.  How do you know if a movie is funny?

Dear Cleabold, [2010]

If you think a movie’s funny, it’s funny, even if you’re wrong.                          Ed.
     *****

Dear Editor, [2011]

Which do you think are better: boxing movies or food movies?

Dear Rachel, [2011]

Talk about comparing apples and upper cuts.  Boxing movies contain more readily realizeable movie juices, but a story well choreographed around a food theme, pound for pound, is more gratifying.                                            Ed.
     *****