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Dear Editor, [1981]
Who the hell do you think you are? “Unsolicited Movie Newsletter” indeed. What makes you some kind of movie expert, and who do you think cares what you think, anyway? I go to movies, too, but you don’t think I’d waste people’s time with this kind of self appointed tripe. Get a job.
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1981]
You said it. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1982]
Hey man, who sold you my address anyway? It’s bad enough you think anybody cares what you write. Why won’t you let me have my movies in peace? Woody Allen is an egghead, pinko fairy, and so are you.
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1982]
Thanks for keeping in touch. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1983]
I thought it over. This movie malarky you put out is okay. I figure if you got the nerve, go for it, you know. I’ve been going to the movies every day for the last few weeks. For instance, take the “Friday the 13th” all three parts triple bill at the Driveplex Drive-in ….
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1983]
So glad I won you over. I’m sure you’ll excuse me for not printing all 12 pages of your letter. Ed.
*****
Dear friend, [1984]
Because of the inspiration of your newsletter, I have sold a bunch of movie articles of my own, and my paper says it might even give me a column. So, I thought I owed you a tip or two. You don’t talk up sexual acts and trippy violence in your reviews, man. Hey, I’ve found out that you can even use actual curse words in your articles as long as you’re making some fancy point about censorship or art, even. How’s this for a column header: “A friend at the flicks, Los Angeles”?
Dear friend, [1984]
There’s nothing like a helping hand from a seasoned pro. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1985]
Man, like, I am supremely disappointed. Those Academy ostrich heads totally overlooked “The Terminator.” No Best Script, Best Effects, nothin’. Man, I’ve staked my recent career on Arnold Schwarzenegger for Superstardom. I trust you, man. I had to write.
A friend at the flicks, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1985]
It will do you well to add a chaser of widened perspective when dealing with the crazy business of Motion Pictures. For instance, as much as I flinch to admit it, “The Terminator” is as well done as violent trash gets. Arnold is no slouch, but I think he might even suggest that you shift your impression of him. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1986]
I got a great idea for your newsletter name, man. How about, “a friend at the flicks”? I know, I know, it’s the name I use. Don’t worry. I’ll sell it to ya, for, like, nothin’. Besides, my column kinda fell through, and and you could feature me or something.
A friend at the flicks, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1986]
Actually, the name has more flare than our newly christened masthead, but we’re probably too conservative for your working tastes. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1987]
What is going on, man? A slide show ain’t no Film Festival. OK, so you snookered the Academy Awards theme one year. That’s cool. Hey, the Film Festival is a great idea, but what’s with the slides? That whole trip of yours sounded a little off the deep end to me. Besides how come I wasn’t invited to your half baked slide show “Film Festival” anyway?
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1987]
Not that your babbling deserves a response, but an article on page 3 [in 1987] lends some perspective. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1988]
Man, I have a great theme for your next Film Festival. How about “Best of the Colorized Classics”? Talk about a friend to the movie goer, isn’t that Ted Turner a real magnet?
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1988]
Magnet/magnate/maggot, whatever… if there was money to be made computer dubbing voices to silent films, Mr. Turner would no doubt apply his distorted devotion to cinematic art and entertainment. I hope such free enterprise does not siphon the treasury of film history. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1989]
Who do you think is goofier, man, the “Last Temptation of Christ” protesters or this crazy Ayatollah dude? Do you think Anthony Perkins is too much of a kick to play Khomeni in a biopic?
Dear friend, [1989]
Would Tony Perkins in an imaginative romp called “Who Framed Ayatollah Khomeni” be a goofy enough satire to deal with the perversities in religion and politics and business? Could a cartoon lasso corral the protesting voices and roll them flat under a steamroller of enlghtenment, or would the cartoon machinery slip backward and steamroll the enlighteners… and who’s driving the steamroller? Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1990]
Get with this, man. Until we see film legends like The Three Stoogeniks or blockbuster pictures like “Pee Weekovich’s Big Adventure” made in Russia, I don’t know how anyone can rest easy that Communism is out and Freedom is in.
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1990]
Rarely have I seen “Motion Pictures as Political Barometer” so concisely leveled. Perhaps you should move to Russia and open a studio. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1990, special edition]
I think I figured out, man, like could it be you’re just using me or something? Here it is, I write you six, eight, twelve times a year now. You never write back. You pick my movie brain. I don’t hear from you except you print me in your once a year little rag. Should I be hurt, man, or what?
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1990, special edition]
Because of this special Film Festival edition of “The CampChuck Reviewer,” which I’m sure I wouldn’t write but for my growing file of letters from you, we get this extra opportunity to share. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1991]
Hey, man, I got a Film Festival angle and it tunes in on your Academy Awards gig. Get this. “CampChuck Presents A Friend at the Flicks’ Picks….” (That’s me.) “See the Flicks that Should Have Won Best Picture.” What do you think? Cool, right?
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1991]
Some people feel that too many yuppie bergs and verbose nerds muddle away with film festivals already. Others feel the more the merrier. Don’t let anyone run your “gig.” No doubt you’ll let me know how your independent film festival efforts pan out. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1992]
Man, don’t go political on me. It’s not just that your “Oh, See, Can You Say” article is cowardly scumbait. If you need filler, keep it in bounds like “Arnold Schwartzenegger for President” or something.
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1992]
That one article received more praising response than any issue in twelve years of CampChuck. Ed.
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Dear Editor, [1993]
Man, I don’t care where they dig up Best Song, and they can’t buy me off with yuks from Robin Williams. Do you think we can get past these cutesy googly cartoons like “Aladdin” and “Beauty and the Beast” and make something classy like a feature length Road Runner?
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1993]
I prefer the pop, pop, pop whirl of “Aladdin” to the more ordinary elegance and imagination of “Beauty and the Beast.” I’m glad “Aladdin” made the Oscar race in five of the less prominent categories. If Road Runner hits the big screen, it will likely mark the end of the current feature length animation boom.
Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1994]
Man, I can just about take this do-gooder hokum that's lodging itself into your newsletters, but what gives with these special editions full of hiking, biking, mountain, waterfall, vacationing diarrhea? Focus, Jack, where's your film focus?
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1994]
There's more than one camp in CampChuck. Besides, it rounds the contact with and appreciation for those who now officially subscribe. Ed.
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Dear Editor, [1994 special edition]
I’m on to you, man. You’ll have another “occasional” film festival real soon. I see you pushing harder on this CampChuck buzzer.
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1994 special edition]
Your insightfulness, similarly incorporated into 9 letters since the last CampChuck festival 4 years ago, continues to amaze me. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1994 2nd special edition]
Man, like, is Jim (“The Mask”; “Ace Ventura”) Carrey the new Jerry Lewis or what?
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1994, 2nd special edition]
I have nothing against the man-like, but surely, there is a third choice. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1995]
You know I watch you. OK, like you grow on people, maybe, but tell me you're not taking up golf, man.
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1995]
There's more than one camp in CampChuck. Besides, if four rounds of golf in a year make me a golfer, the much-to-be-respected game is in trouble. Bottom line, I have neither the dispensable hours nor the disposable income. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1996]
Man, all these years, I don't know why I never thought of this. Like, I'm in your neck of the woods a couple-three times a year. We should go to a movie together, down some brew, talk shop.
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1996]
Sorry, I'm busy that week. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1997]
Statistics? Like, you’re giving us statistics now? It’s enough you’re blowing your own horn, but with statistics? Man, get on with it.
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1997]
Studies suggest that eighty-one point two six percent of the time I feel the same way you do about it. Ed.
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Dear Editor, [1998]
Man, don’t think I haven’t noticed this poetry thing in your newsletters. Like, you’re marginal enough as it is.
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1998]
One can never be too marginal. I’m trying to tell myself something. I thought I’d have my third volume of poetry done in 1997. Ed.
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Dear Editor, [1999]
Man, now that Jim Carey has sold out to making fancy trumancy art films, I’m just glad we’ve got a guy like Adam Sandler who can come off the bench to tackle your basic hilarious night at the movies.
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [1999]
Having successfully avoided the Adam Sandler phenomenon until now, I responded open-mindedly to the teenage son of long-time friends who ranked The Waterboy as numbers 9, 7, 5, 3 and 1 on his top ten list for 1998. I have shut my mind and will be more cautious opening it next time. Ed.
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Dear Counselor, [2000]
Get it? CampChuck. Dear Counselor. All these years I’ve been sending you letters to the Editor. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner. Ha. Ha.
A friendly camper, Los Angeles
Dear friendly camper, [2000]
Funnier than wearing your underpants on top of your jeans. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2002]
Jeez, like I didn’t notice you didn’t publish my letter last year? You think I didn’t see what hole your little publication slid into last year? I’ve got my eye on you, man.
Dear friend, [2002]
You know that we always have space for you when you’re taking your medication.
Ed.
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Dear Editor, [2003]
Catch it, Dog. Did Adam Sandler do the deeds, or what. Get it, do the “Deeds”?
Dear friend, [2003]
The only thing worth noting about Sandler’s badly acted Mr. Deeds, is to quickly cross reference the charming and corny 1936 original, Mr. Deeds Goes to Town, with Gary Cooper. Sandler’s. Deeds not only scores as a disrespectful homage to a particular film, it succeeds as a prime example of commercial viability with actual disdain for the art and craft of film making. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2004]
Ah nold. Like, Governor Ahnold Terminegger, man. Is that a trip?
Dear friend, [2004]
It is America. It is California.
It is. Ed.
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Dear Editor, [2005]
You are gloating, right, over getting your six for six predictions last year? Well, how come it’s the first time in 25 years?
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [2005]
Actually, it happened once before in the 1994 newsletter (66th Oscars), but thanks for trying to keep track. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2006]
Netflix is a pox on purist devotions to film viewing.
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [2006]
Pox be with you.
Ed.
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Dear Editor, [2007]
Man, the Inconvenient Truth is that Al Gore is lame. That’s proof enough for me that Global Warming is bunk.
Dear friend, [2007]
You didn’t see the film, did you? Gore doesn’t especially reduce his anti-charisma factor in the way he makes himself so prominent in the film “An Inconvenient Truth,” but his professorial case is impressive. It’s a shame that a knee-jerk reaction against Gore would keep some people from educating themselves better about facing this issue and facing it intelligently. For such a sobering subject, it’s a fairly entertaining film. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2008]
Hey, I caved and actually looked at your www.startlets.com web site. You got, like, nothing there but reviews from mostly films people don’t care about.
Dear friend, [2008]
I appreciate that you checked the web site. You probably will do fine getting your movie reviews from TV commercials. My web-based reviews tend to offer a look at films that receive less -- sometimes way less -- media attention and distribution.
Ed.
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Dear Editor, [2009]
Man, what is all this documentary film appreciation pouring into your halfway sane movie madness?
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [2009]
Halfway sane, indeed. You just keep your balance by going to see “The Dark Knight” for the 18th time. Some of my loose movie screws are held in place by the improving presence of documentary films. From the heartwarming vitality in 2008’s “Young@Heart” to a treasure trove of films at the Wild & Scenic Environmental Film Festival, moviegoers should be on the lookout for the variety, awareness-raising, and typically non-commercial-minded qualities of documentaries. Ed.
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Dear Editor [2010],
I saw your statistics thing, man – 58% guess rate before last year. You couldn’t sneak up to 60%, even guessing them all right last time, could ya?
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [2010] Yes, saying 60% resonates better than “almost 60%.” Guessing 5 of 6 right this year would tip the arithmetic past that benchmark. I suggest you rag on me for only averaging about 3.6 of 6 right, rather than quibbling about a percentage point or two. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2011]
I’ve been thinking you were already fairly over the hill when you started this newsletter gig. Don’t get me wrong, dude. You’ve shown your chops now and again, but man, I kinda see you kicking back and tossing out a “Greatest Hits” type issue or two before you, well, you know.
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [2011]
Well, someone knows. Meanwhile, issues happen. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2012]
You did it, man, but how come only 18 pages of Mailbag? I mean, cool, you had, like, 4 pages of me, but just me, I've sent you more than 18 pages myself.
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [2012]
When I reprinted 32 years of Manufactured Mailbags last year, I was fully reminded of what all a tradition contains Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2013]
Like, you retired. You hired out as contractor somewhere. You retired from that. You went back to HP when they called, then retired again. Man, I'm worried your movie priorities are a meltdown waiting to happen.
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [2013]
I'll just say each transpired as appropriate. Here's a retirement angle my father used to kid about. He told people I essentially retired right after college for several years (about 9) before starting a professional career that substantially shaped about three decades. It somewhat surprised my dad that a professional career, not to mention savings for retirement, would ever be part of my journey. Ed.
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Dear Editor, [2013, May]
Dude, how about a new award category: "Best Jumping Off a Tall Building, Cliff, or Like That"?
A friend, Los Angeles.
Dear friend, [2013, May]
And what a crisply named category it is. There does seem to be a requisite use of this action item in all the biggest movies. What say we wait til it's more of a requisite item in all the better movies? Ed.
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Dear Editor, [2014]
Dude, this 9 Best Picture nominees thing is getting on my nerves. What kind of number is 9? Anyway, I'll tell you how to get the list to a nice round 10: "Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues." Am I right, man, or am I right. A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [2014]
Academy rules for determining Best Picture nominees changed a few years ago and again since then. It aims to assure more than 5 marketing campaigns around the most prestigious Oscar statuette. The complicated formula allows up to 10 but it essentially requires a film to get about 10% or more of voters declaring it their #1 picture. Other influences can seep in from toggled percentages and rankings. It actually may be more likely to have 9 nominees than 10. Anyway, the Academy may never have a formula that figures out a way to boost a Will Ferrell movie to a Best Picture nomination Ed.
*****
Dear Editor [2015]
Bingo, bango, blockbuster, Bro. Dude, like, "American Sniper" is pushing $300 million in the theaters. How's that for crashing your intellectual consciousness Best Picture list? A friend Los Angeles
Dear friend [2015]
Indeed, "American Sniper" has outsold any of the other 7 Best Picture nominees 5 to 10 times over -- except "The Imitation Game" (about nerd zapping the WWII Germans off their evil world dominance gig). Credit Clint Eastwood not only for tagging Oscar's top honor seekers. He's also trending box office boffo with Americans' taste for good vs. evil, entertainment franchising: "The Hunger Games," "Guardians of the Galaxy," "The Lego Movie," and "The Hobbit." Ed.
*****
Dear Editor [2015, June]
Man, keep reminding yourself. If you gotta keep jamming yourself, stick with movies, man. You've got half a chance sticking with movies. A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [2015, June]
My 21st century output of special travel editions barely trickles compared with a considerable stream of them in the 90s. At whatever rate, I like the way travel editions keep the jam flowing. Ed.
Dear Editor [2015, August]
Man, this traveling, outdoorsy, nature thing of yours is really starting to bug me. Are there even movie theaters where you go? A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [2015, August]
The fifth installment of "Mission Impossible" marqueed in many of the towns we drove through on this most recent outdoorsy nature thing. I won't say I don't consider a couple hours in a movie house on such trips, but it's quite easy to let it go for a few weeks at a time. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2016]
I wanna show you, man, I've been studing up on your liberal whoop dee do. Corporations are people, right? But not a single corporation has ever been nominated for an acting Oscar. Where's the rage, bro?
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [2016]
Keep on studying. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2017]
What is it with all the numbers, man? 90% this 85% that. 7 times this; 21 years that?
A friend, Los Angeles
Dear friend, [2017]
Thanks for affording me the opportunity to mention that one year after all the brouhaha of zero Black actors receiving Oscar nominations (two years in a row), six of twenty nominations went to Blacks. (Likely, two will win.) Attention to numbers matters. This includes vigilance over influencers who lead people to follow arithmentic where two plus two equals five. Ed.
*****
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