|
Dear Editor, [1982]
I thought I read something about CarnpChuck maybe being bought out by some hi—tech conglomerate located someplace called the “Silicon Wilderness.” Something like that. I’m sure this wouldn’t effect CampChuck’s commitment to verbosity, ridiculosity, and well, osity in general. It wouldn’t, would it?
Eddie Kowdzidzny, Gary, IN
Dear Eddie, [1982]
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. Somebody has to pay for air time, for court time, not to mention slippin’ a few to 0l’ Father Time, under the table. Let’s put it this way. As long as there’s an osity without a home CampChuck’s mouth is always open.
Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1985]
I believe I saw on a bulletin board that you make personal appearances. Do you?
Karen Balstatten, Atherton, CA
Dear Karen, [1985]
Indeed. The next appearance happens to be in your area – at the Peninsula Baptists’ Lox and Bagel Forum, Sunday, April 21st. In addition to my lecture on “Authoritative Criticism Without Credentials,” the forum has arranged for Dudley Moore to speak on “The Difficulties of Divorcing Talent from Acting.” Watch to see if the CampChuck sponsored series is due out your way.
Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1989]
I’ve heard that CampChuck has ventured into real estate. Here I thought you were more of a pocket of cultural cuteness.
Estella Hidalgo, Pueblo, CO
Dear Estella, [1989]
Part of what now makes CampChuck cute includes a mortgage, condo dues, and a heightened definition of overhead overhead. If this estate is real, señora, then I don’ know what else to es-say.
Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1995]
I have tennis elbow. Someone told me to ask you about it.
Carly Kay, Orlando, FL
Dear Carly, [1995]
Ask me after my body releases me from some other proscriptions. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1996]
Are you moving to Oregon? Our records show conflicting data.
Kaleb Streff, Salem, OR
Council on Filtered Populations
Dear Mr. Streff, [1996]
Your data is conflicting correctly, and I can appreciate your concern. We currently are not looking to make such a move, but then we didn’t move when we were. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1997]
I just want to tell you that I think that you are obnoxious – but in a good way.
Marci Jonasson, Beaverton, OR
Dear Marci, [1997]
I’ve always felt that about myself – having had that word associated with me for decades now. Word person that I am, I am nonetheless surprised to check the dictionary and find how little room it leaves to be obnoxious in a good way.
Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1997]
Is it possible that you are still so stubborn that you don’t own a VCR?
Marvina Lepianka, Philomath, OR
Dearest Marvina,
It is possible, but in our new country setting with reception of barely 3 television channels, CampChuck’s anti-VCR signal is being undermined by increasing static. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1998]
I forgot what I wrote to you. Could you remind me because if anybody finds out, it would be personally humiliating.
Jan Symmer, Corvallis, OR
Dear Jan, [1998]
You wrote you were subscribing to CampChuck because it would be personally humiliating if anyone found out you didn’t. CampChuck makes it a policy never to publish the names of anyone it could personally humiliate.
Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [1998]
Life is short.
Ed Lu, Reno, NV
Dear Ed, [1998]
What’s in a name? Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2002]
Do you think anybody will make a movie about the Hewlett-Packard / Compaq merger quest?
Carl Hucard, Palo Bajo, CA
Dear Carl, [2002]
Compared with Bill Gates’ recent slither through the United States Supreme Court and national implications of the Enron meltdown, the HP / Compaq soap opera would not make much of a script.
Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2002]
You definitely catch my interest with the poetry that appears in your newsletters. Did you ever publish the book of poetry you mentioned you were finishing 3 years ago?
Emily Frost, Rimenick, OH
Dear Emily, [2002]
There is much distraction and sloth at CampChuck. However I am pleased to say that the volume of poetry is complete including a wonderful collaboration with illustrator Bev Jauch. I have only to assemble and proof a final submission for publication. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2003]
Now that the Hewlett-Packard / Compaq merger is old news, what do you think the media will do for business related headlines.
Osgood Bucks, Washington, D.C.
Dear Osgood, [2003]
If the weight of economic slowdown doesn’t press on the press enough and the heat of international conflagration doesn’t burn up enough columns and time slots, it’s none too early to start speculating about Carly Fiorina for President of the United States in 2016.
Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2007]
It’s just a fashion question, but what do you think of the revealing gowns at the Oscars?
Grace Prodder, Van Nuys, CA
Dear Grace, [2007]
Often, allure increases because of what is not showing, but I can deal with revealing. One possible rule of thumb seems frequently ignored. If adhesive tape is required, it’s probably a stylistic forced-fit. Ed
*****
Dear Editor, [2007]
You took an eight week vacation last year? Wow. Did you see, like, a hundred films in those two months?
Tisha Homestead, Tulsa, OK
Dear Tisha, [2007]
I saw more than 60 films in theaters in 2006. I saw only one during those eight weeks of travel. “Wordplay,” a fun film about serious crossword puzzling, deserved a slot amongst the heavy duty Best Documentary nominees. Those eight weeks, including Wyoming and Oregon, Spain and Italy, were devoted mostly to outdoor adventure and to special connections other than film. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2008]
Now that you’re retired, do you have a second career reviewing movies?
Jay Lussly, Greensville, SC
Dear Jay, [2008]
“Career” tends to involve earning a living, something my movie reviewing does not attempt. The retirement package I took last year was too enticing to ignore. After what will be a year of increased travel, film devotions, and more, I need a little more of that earning a living to sufficiently fuel such devotions. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2009]
Your retirement ended, didn’t it?
Dear Bea, [2009]
September 2008, the sun set on my June 2007 retirement. Back working til the next sunrise. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2009]
It irks me in movies when a guy, who’s clearly way faster than the man or woman he’s chasing, takes a ridiculously dramatic amount of times to catch the person.
Chevy Sanborn, Louisville, KY
Dear Chevy, [2009]
Yes, but at least they’re never too out of breath to engage in script-advancing dialog or fisticuffs. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2010]
I’m afraid to let my children use those
3-D movie glasses. Should I worry about this?
Cathryn Scairdy, Rapid City, SD
Dear Cathryn, [2010]
The only known side effect of using 3-D glasses is that it causes more 3-D movies to be made. Ed.
*****
Dear Editor, [2010]
These movies they make these days, you know what I mean, I like a lot of them. How do you know if a movie is funny?
Cleabold Dutz, Baton Rouge, LA
Dear Cleabold, [2010]
If you think a movie’s funny, it’s funny, even if you’re wrong. Ed.
*****
|